Most don’t think of sixty degree weather as being too cold but I am a snow bird and when the temperature drops below seventy, I need to find a warmer place. I have Cryoglobulinemia and when I don’t stay warm enough my blood, that once ran hot, begins to run cold. It gels, it clots, and it causes my blood vessels, and connective tissue to inflame. The result is pain. The air-conditioning, with cooling relief all long for this time of year, makes my head pound, my vision blur, and my ears ache and ring! I live within a bubble of right-temperature that isolates me from a world that I can see but often not fully enter. I am living in a prison named Cryoglobulinemia. The warden is the thermostat and I’m doing hard time. I’m sitting on Death Row waiting out the process of pardons and appeals, offered me though medication, until my sentence is complete.
My old, familiar enemy, Death mocks me as he relishes completing the contract Satan has taken out on me. He’s been trying to murder me for a long time. He shadows me, watches me, and then attacks me when my guard is down. He’s been after me since birth and he isn’t happy that I’ve avoided him this long. Following the orders of Satan, he uses his power to oppress and silence me, as he hopes for my final end. It isn’t personal, it’s just business. Satan doesn’t fear me he fears the God I serve. Satan and his faithful servant Death fear Jesus and the good work He does in me and through me. Jesus is a threat to Satan’s power and because I belong to Jesus, I’m a threat to him too. It is enough to distract me from the joy I possess in Jesus and if I let them, these partners in crime will freeze my mind with fear. I turn away; yes, I turn my back on my enemies! And in my spirit, search for Jesus’ face. I focus on that beautiful, kind face, as the present world and the threats of it fade. I come to Him with my fears of mortality and He responds by showing me my eternity. God’s love pours in, until my heart overflows! Hope is restored and joy surges through me! I rise above my circumstance and I soar! I don’t take this flight on the small, weak wings of a snow bird; instead, I rise up on eagles wings! Someday, when this broken body completely, fails me, I’ll trade it in for a body even more magnificent than an eagle’s! I will soar to heights I cannot imagine! As Satan drools in anticipation of my death, I visualize the day when I will meet Jesus in the air! That ultimate day when this future hope I cling to becomes my reality. No more pain, loneliness, sorrow, and no threat of defeat! This promised, glorified condition is the true me, Pam free from sin and sin’s corruption. In my spirit God’s power surges! I cling to Jesus and turn back to face my enemies. I spit them in the eyes! Though they keep me in prison and sentence me to death, I won’t die! When Death makes his final move for me, I’ll reach for Jesus and make my escape into eternal life!
Though my present form crumbles, life will re-emerge and cause a new form to rise; because life is eternal and life cannot die. I don’t belong to material form and death, I belong to Jesus, the first One to rise from death and live! By faith in Him, when I die, He will raise me up to live again. Because Jesus loves me, my song of joy won’t turn hollow due to my disease. I won’t spend many days mourning over the things that I must someday, let go. I will sing no funeral dirge! I sing a joyful song of Jesus and He returns my songs of praise by lighting these prison walls with the light of His glory. My prison cell is transformed and my isolation ends. Jesus puts His arms around me. He keeps me safe and warm. When the numbers of days given me on earth are complete, my song of Jesus will ring into eternity! I am content. I rest in Jesus. I accept my circumstance, as I open my heart to joy!