Joy’s Shadow Malice

Joy is a woman who lives up to her name. Her character is marked by graceful actions proceeding from an attitude of joyful faith. She is kind, giving, loving, and merciful. She is human, not perfect, but she lives in dedication to Jesus. Though some might deride her because of her faith, no one questions that her faith is genuine. However, this wasn’t always true of Joy and as a young non-believer she was a very different kind of person. Raped at five, again at fourteen, and thrown out of the house at 16 where she became the victim of many crimes and committed many crimes in response, Joy at the age of 17 was a very hard, angry young woman. In the seat where joy sits now, sat Malice as the defining spirit of her character. Anyone who knew anything about her childhood didn’t question her need for revenge but the insanity of it also couldn’t be denied. Back then, Joy was a destructive force, a hurricane of rage creating ruin and demolishing her life. Her rage kept her alive as Malice drove her to a certain bad end, the sure consequence of her wild life.

When God intervened and reached down to save her through Jesus, Malice was pushed out of the driver’s seat and righteous joy took the wheel. Joy being ashamed of the girl who’d been possessed by Malice, pushed the girl she’d been into the shadows with her. Malice continued to sulk and stalk Joy’s every step. Malice was satiated by Joy’s sacrifice of the child she’d been and accepted this bargain as Joy denied her past and moved forward to try to be a different woman and live a new kind of life. She was successful in re-creating herself and becoming a woman guided by the Bible rather than raging emotions but something was missing and no matter how hard she tried to leave the past behind, she was haunted by the things she’d suffered and the sins she committed in response. Malice dogged her every step and waited for the opportunity to re-inflict pain from the past. Joy loved Jesus! However, Joy still lived in fear because God’s love hadn’t yet been perfected in her. Joy lived in constant terror of being found out and of coming in contact with those who had damaged her as a child. Malice jabbed her in the ribs anytime someone asked her about the high-school she attended, her prom, and all the other normal experiences of childhood that Joy wasn’t able to enjoy. Malice could no longer possess Joy but through her denial, she oppressed her and kept the past she was trying to outrun continually, in her present thoughts. Joy loved Jesus, was grateful to Him, and wanted to please Him but the truth was that Joy had only given Jesus half of herself and sacrificed the other half to Malice, in hopes of appeasement. The joy she possessed in Jesus couldn’t be fully actualized until, she allowed Jesus to reclaim the broken little girl inside that continually, cried out for the love and acceptance she’d never known.

Joy’s life changed and Malice was driven further into the shadows, when Joy embraced the little girl within and tended to her wounds by applying truth as disinfectant. The power of her painful past was diminished as she cast denial aside, along with pretense, and brought all the events she’d hidden in darkness into the true light that is Jesus. Each one became a light that produced enlightenment in her and also, became light to lead others out of the darkness of sin and abuse. The lost, damaged, thrown-away, little girl found purpose in Jesus and Joy found wholeness in self-acceptance. Joy became a more effective follower of Christ, as all the spiritual fruits began to reproduce in abundance in her life. The joy that Joy possesses in Jesus is no longer diminished by ghosts and demons from her past. Though Malice still shadows Joy, she can’t find a foothold for oppression because Joy no longer lives in fear. Every part of her is surrendered to Jesus and perfect Love liberated her from the fear of her past.


8 thoughts on “Joy’s Shadow Malice

    1. Thank you, Mitch. This isn’t a word-for-word real-life testimony. It is a fictional account of a truth I’ve lived and I wish things had been different back there too but I also, know I’m not alone and Jesus can save others in the same way that He saved me.

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  1. Great testimony! Testimonies like this can help others to be more understanding of other people, both saved and unsaved alike. As a rule we never know anywhere near the whole story of what an individual has been through nor do we tend to have any clue as to what personal demons they may still be struggling with as a result. No wonder Jesus’ answer to Peter was, …”I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

    God bless you!!
    s.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ransom. Since I replied to this comment on google+ I won’t repeat myself other than to restate that this is truth in fiction. I was abused and Jesus healed me by His truth but the details are not a factual account of what happened to me. Honestly, I doubt most people would want to read those facts and it’s easier for me to discuss it in prose. That doesn’t change how sexual abuse infects its victims or what it takes to heal and overcome. Thanks again for your supportive comment.

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  2. The psyche is permanently scarred/damaged through such abuse. The questions remain. Why did it happen? Why did the abuser violate my body (and affect my mind). It is a lifelong struggle. Though hidden in the darkest recesses of our mental database, they pop up for review. The abuse is reviewed with no answer ever found because we can no longer question the abuser(s) since they have exited the stage of life. Over time, our psyches heal (but remain scarred) and we take pains not to imitate our abuser(s). Did the abusers ever regret their actions? If they did, why did they repeat it? Upon their repentance, were they forgiven by God? What about the pain of the abused?

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    1. Some do choose to abuse as they were abused but many more don’t. If we don’t get some kind of help to repair the damage though, we will repeat the dysfunction but it will be expressed differently. Drug abuse is a common reaction and other forms of self-abuse. Childhood abuse teaches children who they are and many grow up to be victims all of their lives if their is no intervention. As for those who sexually abuse others, I believe they are addicted to hurting others. It is their drug and with each instance that they choose to dehumanize another as an object of abuse, they also, dehumanize themselves to the point of recreating themselves into monsters. With such hardened hearts, I think it is very hard for such a person to come to repentance. However, all things are possible with God and I’m sure some have. I have never known such a person.

      Acceptance of the truth about what happened to me was key in my healing. I lived most of my life thinking it was my fault and being confused about my behavior. It was a reckoning process where responsibility was placed with my abusers and left there that changed my thinking. I haven’t had a long bout of depression or been overwhelmed by anxiety since. My flashbacks happen much less often and when they do occur, they are manageable. The Truth really does set us free, Thomas and I am a living example of that.

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