Pretty little girl, dressed up like a doll, beautiful living toy!
An accessory for her mother! A show-piece for her father!
Sent to her room when her childish wants began to annoy,
Sedated with alcohol, when her emotional needs bother;
This is the beginning of girl’s ending: The Crushing of Joy!
No longer useful to accessorize the attire of her mother,
Her alarming behavior stole all of her father’s crowing joy!
Blaming Joy for parenting sins and shaming Joy to smother,
All her memories of how they abused and ruined their toy!
Not abuse but love they said, as we are Mother and Father!
We know best, you beautiful doll, valuable to some old-boy,
Merchandised as a wife, he will free us from all this bother!
Guard your treasure, wait, and don’t fall for any love-ploy!
Pretty, dumb doll, you are merchandise! And nothing other!
Don’t dare to dream any bigger! Don’t knit a plan to employ,
To lift yourself higher! You’re nothing! Don’t outshine mother!
Our needs matter! Don’t shame father! Don’t be a kill-joy!
Then sweet-talker came, disguised as love a Raging Monster!
Shattering! Crushing! And pulverizing! He dismantled Joy!
Finishes work the parents began, then reaches for another
Doll toy to break; sullied merchandize to use and destroy!
Crushed! Never becoming! Battered doll that dared to bother!
This is that too often repeated sad tale: The Crushing of Joy!
Little girls treated as objects grow up to objectify themselves and be objectified by others. Parents who emotionally neglect and abuse their daughters, paint a bright red target on their backs that make them prime targets for men who enjoy using and abusing young women. Taught that abusive words and actions are love, they will accept abuse as love. Girls who have no self-value but in their physical appearance and no goals but the love of a man, will be victimized by men who have no regard for women as people. Daddy’s little doll will not see anything wrong in being used as a sex toy or in being valued as merchandise. Being taught that abuse is love, they will often love themselves by abuse, and become alcoholics, drug addicts, self-mutilators, and develop eating disorders. The greatest damage inflicted through child neglect and abuse is the lies taught about identity and self-value. False definitions of love drive them to set themselves up for further abuse by anyone who promises love.
There is no more evil act than to crush the joy of a child but abuse victims don’t have to accept their fate. Jesus can rebuild what sin destroys and Jesus can fully restore the joy of every abused little girl. Those who turn to Jesus in belief find true love. Love that respects, values, protects, and guides them to wholeness and an abundant life. It isn’t magic but a miracle that takes place over time, on a healing journey that is a process of becoming the women God intended them to be. Miracles are better than magic because magic is just a trick but miracles are real. Everything a girl-child loses when abused, Jesus restores. He is the One who can turn an upside down world right-side up and then bless crushed little girls seven-fold in the new world to come. No one, no matter how broken is beyond transformation in Christ Jesus. Through genuine faith and obedience broken dolls can become living miracles, with joy restored!
joyindestructible 
Granted that Jesus can heal a broken “doll”, but the scars remain. Each time we touch the scars, a sense of resentment rushes in, long after the perpetrators are dead, gone, and forgiven. The question always remains, “Why?” Well, they can’t answer from beyond the grave. Then we remember what our Innocent Savior uttered while painfully hanging on the cross, “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” Still, “Why?”
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s true and even knowing why doesn’t erase all the damage. Jesus bore scars after the resurrection, as well. Perhaps the why is found in what Jesus does in the lives of abused and broken people when they turn to Him. I would not be the woman I am or have the testimony I have if I hadn’t also, been abused but because of Jesus the abuse of my childhood isn’t the sum of me. I also, find I have less and less resentment for my parents as time passes however, I can’t re-connect with them as long as they insist on denial. To do so would be to subject myself to more abuse and I’m sure tolerating that would cause my resentment to build up again. Every abused child has to come to the point where they can say, “It is finished.” and walk away.
LikeLiked by 1 person
*could you please correct that sentence to “perpetrators ARE dead, gone and forgiven”. Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Will do.:0)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Intense poem. It speaks loudly its message of the way emotional abuse destroys not only a child, but a whole life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks D.:0)
LikeLiked by 1 person
The good news is that much can be salvaged and restored.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know, and there are so many brave women (and men) with the resolve to make sure that their children never have to endure what they suffered. They’re my heros. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
If we could find a way to reach parents and help them heal their damage, child-abuse would be rare but as it stands, we are in the midst of an epidemic. So…I bang my drum.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is so true, Pam. My abuse as a child was verbal. I never felt important enough, pretty enough or good enough for my dad. I knew he loved me, but it was never apparent in his behavior. I’ve overcome that stigma, but the pain and scars never really go away. Part of the process is being to be able to forgive them and move on. BTW even though the verbal abuse was difficult to handle, it gave me a sense of purpose to prove myself, which final led me to depend on God for my confidence. Thanks for a very well thought out post!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I too understand that the worst that happened to me, in God’s economy, became areas of my greatest strengths. When we are in Christ, God really does work all things to our good. I want more survivors to know what Jesus can do for them. Thank you for sharing part of your story. Often, validating the pain of others by sharing our lives is the most healing action of all. It’s a good way to end the feelings of “I am the only one” that so many survivors feel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Verbal abuse is destructive. We need to guard our words carefully—especially as parents
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, we do and grandparents too. Something we say in a careless, frustrated moment, can leave lasting wounds.
LikeLike
Nice Sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
:0)
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Heartbreaking, and I realize you speak of what you know, Pam, both the before and the after.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Mitch. The after part is what I’d like to reach survivors. Jesus is the Door out of a life of abuse. I think it also, helps for the general public to be more informed of what abuse does to kids and how people end up in such dark places. It is a problem that affects all of us.
LikeLike
Good work Pam. I always try to remember a word out of anger can lead to a life of resentment. I try to think twice, take a deep breath, pray for the right words from God before I speak to my girls if I am angry with them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You seem to have a very gentle, quiet spirit Rob and I’m sure your girls benefit from that. Talking less and listening more can be a very good trait when it comes to parenting.
LikeLike
Serious food for thought. Our tongues speak life or death. We should choose wisely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, words matter. They have the power to wound and also, the power to heal. All good parents make mistakes and even terrible parents could do much to make amends by admitting to the harm they’ve caused and making an effort to change. I think that is the most basic thing every child abuse survivor longs for.
LikeLike
I have three young daughters all under four. This was a sobering reminder and a heart check.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The fact that what I wrote effected you in that way tells me that your little girls are blessed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of the ministries my church supports is “Mercy Ministries,” which takes in these young girls and shares the love of Jesus. It is really great to see the way the Lord transforms these young girls lives.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s wonderful, Patrick. The world needs more churches like yours. For some reason, probably drugs, the area I live in is in the midst of an epidemic of abused children. All the ministries in this area are flooded. It’s heartbreaking.
LikeLike
Words can be so hurtful.Good post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, they can. Thank you for reading and commenting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure. I got a small taste of your posts. I will return for more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Heartbreaking. Unfortunately any child who suffers any abuse is one too many. You are shedding light on an ugly thing that happens every day. I pray that people will stop turning a blind eye to this and start doing something to put an end to it. Thank you for being a part of the solution. Julie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you sheppaja. I think offering healing to parents is key. The sad part is most survivors have children of their own before they really begin to understand how broken they are. It’s a huge problem and as drug abuse grows so does child abuse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So very true. The parents are victims as well and they too need prayer. The other who needs prayer are the abusers. For they need to become accountable for their actions and repent so no further abuse takes place.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, repentance is hard for abusers because they project everything inside they need to work on onto others. The cycle of abuse isn’t always the way it is classically laid out either. My dad abused everyone, including his parents, but his parents were the one who gave me a lifeline and their was nothing abusive about them. All of us were hurt by my dad though. I think some of it is brain deformities, chemistry, and hormones with a lot of bad choices that sear the conscience. We tend to follow one thread when there are many threads woven together. Whatever the cause, the abuser is the one that should be held accountable, no matter how he came to be a monster.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes it is true that physical and chemical factors have their effect on the abuser which then can be transferred to the victim. There is also a spiritual factor here, demonic strongholds are formed when evil is done and you and I know and understand what effects abuse has on the victims and once the abuse has happened their are spiritual forces at work. Thank God we have a Savior who can set us free of these demons.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And shepherd us in the continuing battle. How I long for the battle to be over!
LikeLiked by 1 person