Words that pour from a fractured, patched together heart,
Sometimes, fly in a hailing storm of bullets!
Fired randomly in fear!
When a threat today echoes in the echoes of the traumas of the past;
Triggering an emotional storm; driving the broken one to posture in self-defense;
Paranoid and in confusion, vainly trying to prevent yesterday’s repetition;
There is no rhyme, no reason, and no sense!
No poetry, no prose powerful enough to muffle the bullets and protect
An unwitting target; when missiles, manufactured from thick layers of pain from the past,
Are fired! While the patched together one hides, thinking only of self protection;
Valiantly and covertly seeking to destroy those monsters lingering in closets of the mind;
Ghosts of long ago that haunt in the conflicts, the disagreements, the present threats;
Which quickly magnify and loom with all of the power of original monsters who shattered that heart,
Many years ago …may they find eternal rest in my forgiveness… and in letting them go…
As I die to myself…and submit further to the process until that process is completed…
Please forgive me (as I forgive them), my passive aggressive reflex!
Expressed as words that rained down on you as bullets! You the victim of my fear!
And my sometimes, inability to recognize the difference between then and now;
Those times when paranoia drives my reason under the bed with a shotgun,
To fire at everything and anything that dares to move!
Forgive me please, for internalizing my monsters in an effort to gain control,
Long enough… to patch this heart together and move forward.
Forgive me for pelting you with the bullets intended for them; Forgive this murder in my heart!
Expressed so passively; born in thick, deep layers of pain and swallowed aggression;
Please forgive me, let it all go, and live your life in peace, with abundant blessings!
Don’t allow these randomly fired bullets to lodge and remain to spread their poisonous infection,
That carries the sin of abuse from generation to generation to generation to generation…
Let it all end here!
I have seen the enemy of me and she is me.
This log in my eye has been lifted out and now, I understand.
I am truly, sorry for the pain my words caused!
I’m sorry you were caught in the path of my triggering!
My words that hurt you and triggered the echoing of your own painful past…
May we each walk into our futures, toward greater healing,
Experiencing the metamorphosis of faith,
Available to all in Christ;
Where shattered, mended hearts become new and the echoes of trauma are silenced,
In repentant hearts that by confession expel the poison, stopping the infection of sin;
Hearts purified by forgiving as we both are forgiven.
This is the place where love and justice meet to create lasting peace.
This is undistorted joy!