Midnight Halls

All night long, I walk the vast halls of worry, that deep circular labyrinth within my mind.

This is my vain, desperate attempt to find a way to prevent more pain.

The thoughts kept at bay during the busyness of daylight, band together against me at midnight.

Each breach of faith brings a surge of hot pain from the belly into my throat to startle me wide awake!

Helplessly, I pray and ask God yet again, to take this years-old heartache away…

But somehow and for some reason I can’t comprehend, He’s left that choice in the hands of another.

I search for hope even though those I love most and want to protect seem doomed to disaster.

Trusting God is the only way to escape anxiety’s trap of despair but I can’t pull trust out of thin air!

Father, what I need most I just don’t have! It just isn’t there! It isn’t in me!

Please Father, give me the security I must have to close my eyes in this dreadful world and sleep.

Let your peace over-ride my lucidity; help me look above and beyond the past-current-future threat…

Keep my dear ones safe, change their tumultuous hearts, don’t take them too far from me…

Hear this mother’s worry-prayer, though it be long, often repeated, and worn out…

Father, carry me by your Spirit’s tranquility and free me from midnight’s halls of worry!

 

 

 

 

 


18 thoughts on “Midnight Halls

  1. I can relate to these same heart wrenching thoughts. I sometimes think that the devil lives in my midnight moments and comes to haunt me with my past sins. He knows my weaknesses, but God has given us the victory over him. Still he hangs on, taunting me with guilt trips. I pray for Jesus’ return and e will finally be rid of the evil one.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. That freedom will be something…my despairing thoughts have some guilt but mostly, fear of a threat ahead or of a past trauma repeating itself. Where the devil gets me is that my fears aren’t unreasonable but fear makes me weak. I think I was born a mom. I want everyone I love to have their hearts right with God and to be happy and safe. When everyone I love is under my roof, fed, happy, and asleep with the doors locked tight, I am utterly, relaxed. Of course, I can’t often have that now…letting go is hard.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I totally get it. I’m a mom by nature as well. That’s why I continue to work with children. I fear the unknown most. We’re going through downsizing our home and moving into something more affordable and less work. I resist change and can’t excited when this should be an adventure, not a chore.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m in a similar process but it’s more about living within our means and making what we have work. Losing independence is hard for me to face but most of my concerns for the future center on my children and grandchildren.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your poem described someone in our congregation who have shared how it’s the weekends and at nights that is hard because there’s no busy tasks of the day that somehow allow one to block away certain tendency to worry and doubt God’s goodness.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The enemy knows when we’re weak. As a trauma survivor, trust is a big issue for me. When things have gone terribly wrong in the past, it’s impossible to believe things can’t go that way again and they can. I need trust greater than I can muster from myself. I need the Holy Spirit’s help to rest in God’s plan for me and my loved ones, no matter what may come in this present world. One thing that helps me is to listen to hymns or soft music to keep my thoughts from rolling down those familiar halls and lull me to sleep. And of course, lots and lots of prayers.

      Liked by 2 people

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