Deception

Deception: Mary Mageleen in the Cave

Long and heavy-hot, July-Doldrum-Days;

Shag hazy thought as staggering, drunk strays;

Desperation fraught in scorching-hot-rays!

Instinct (not wisdom taught) seeks cool caves.

Safe, in a hidden spot! As my long-lost slaves…

I reclaim my thought, my icy-blue-memory saves,

My present re-caught in isolation my soul craves.

Rid of the fiery onslaught! By cool, blue waves…

Comfort the distraught,Oh Shadow of the Graves!

Deceiving the overwrought on blazing-hot-days.

 

Lost

Vanity
Vanity

Mooribound thoughts in grey sliced by a jagged indigo wind!

Shatter across the frozen tundra of the mind…

Then conclude at the dead end of human wisdom.

Gray truth of depression speaking again!

Hopeless dry snow! Cold powdered emotion!

Stinging the eyes and faces of all daring to come near,

Offering the salve of cheerful words that burn!

Here to remain in shadowed dark retreat…

The deepest forgotten cave of a tortured brain;

Silently licking these old wounds opened again;

Protecting new gashes now, both festering as one…

Gangrene of the soul threatening amputation!

Complete severing from God and life. Woefully lie,

Safe in the embrace of isolation. “Lover hold me close!”

No one can hurt me here! Hints of safety and relief in nonexistence…

Death’s soft whisper seduces awful grey to flow into a sultry ebony dream…

Black delusion! Dead coal to burn red-hot!

Ignited as latent anger explodes! Life’s final stand!

Mollified in the righteous anger of God! Oh ancient lake, Gehenna!

Garbage dump zealous to consume,

Vain creators and their works born of carnal purposeless lives.

Faith lying dead in heaps are the broken dreams of mortal pride,

The very cutting shards of this biting indigo wind!

Wind fanning the flames that never die!

Outside the City Gate…

Where regretful lost souls gnash their teeth and cry!

Survivor’s Prayer

If I am still alive when the bitter cloud passes, may I not I not be found stubbornly clinging to the storm because I’ve adapted myself to misery. Instead, may I celebrate in sunlight as I embrace the sparkling new day the sun reveals. Let me move forward to clean up the damage left by the storm and not be stuck hanging on for survival long after the storm has passed. A powerful storm forever transforms the landscape and the lives of those who survive but help me, Lord to accept and embrace the transformation. May the storm not live on in me in thoughts that exist in loops and refuse to move forward. Make me mindful of the present and keep me from reliving terrifying moments and even repeating them by my actions. I do not want to be a storm bearer, a manufacturer of the misery I survived. Instead, help me share the hope that enabled me to endure. May I be an image bearer of you, Jesus the one who made my survival possible. It is to you that I cling in the midst of every storm. I cling to you now, even though the sun is breaking through the clouds because I need you in good times as well as in bad. I remain tethered to face new storms that soon will appear on the horizon. Even if one of those storms should take my life, I know my soul is secure in you, Jesus. Though I die, I will live. I should never fear the storm but when I do, Jesus, you are always there to comfort and strengthen me. You are there to lead me forward when danger has passed. In you I have hope even, on those dark days when I can feel no hope, joy, or peace. Even when I let go of you, Jesus, I know you are holding on to me. Thank you, Jesus for this gift of faith by which I endure all things to also, overcome. Amen.

Married to Pain

There are moments during a rare warm Siesta Moon,

When the pain ebbs and my body sings a softer tune.

Sighs of relief! Pain gone brightens usual Agony Moon,

My cruel lover who won’t let go sings besetting croon,

Beastly howling like a lost coyote during a Dusty Moon!

Our relationship began by accident, a trap by the goon!

I married pain in the greenish light of a Ghoulish Moon…

Day, years, decades pass as I take medicine in a spoon.

Divorcing pain I will joyfully dance under a Fiesta Moon!

How Great The Fall

I’m sitting on the smoldering edges of a broken promise;

Watching the institutions of a nation begin to crumble.

Loved by some, hated by others,                       

Relied upon, taken for granted;

Rome is ignited; but it isn’t buildings that burn…

A dense smoke is rising, singed in desperation!

The slow burn of anger held inside…

Like damaged electric wiring in the walls of a building;

Shorting out for months, for years…

Then suddenly, sending a flame shooting along its entire length!

Setting fire to every wall seemingly, at once;

Reducing everything to ash.

In This Sober Moment

When tragedy does a home invasion;

When calamity’s thugs beat down your door!

When the threat out there bursts into your safe haven;

When first fear and then anger rise.

There’s no time to think but only react and defend.

This moment is the force which reveals exactly, who you are.

After this trauma event passes and if you survive,

You’ll know with certainty every strength and weakness you possess.

And understand perfectly, what you can and cannot control.

There is no more harshly lit mirror than that of a very strong test.

Not only of your will to survive but of who you are as a person,

And your ability to overcome.

Are you alive for a reason? Or is it only lucky happenstance?

A second half of chaotic calamity…

Only faith can make sense of it and return reason to your life.

Jesus is reason when nothing humanly reasonable makes any sense.

He is validation when you find yourself hated for no reason.

The world hates Him too.

He knows what you suffer, He possesses no cruelty, and He really does care.

He carried you through it and you survived.

He will mend the damage, heal every wound, and replace everything lost.

Jesus is the power by which you survived to overcome.

In this sober moment everything is made crystal clear.

 

 

Paper Tatters Flying in the Wind

Write the number of my days on fine rice paper.

Tally them, and tear…

Delicate hand molded sheet into bits and caste it in the wind!

I can no longer understand the sum of those days nor transcend,

The heartbreak of futility or tragedy’s rude temper!

This calamity I fear…

Shattered my existence by the hand of happenstance I can’t bend,

Into a shape I can’t cope with, I can’t make my scattered mind comprehend,

How or why God allows evil’s continued mad caper!

In emptiness so clear…

I tremble in askance in the presence of my horror from which I can’t fend!

I’ve lost all surety of knowledge of just who I am in this ominous moment self-end!

Blanketed by sorrows I feel my faith’s diminishing taper.

Father rescue me here!

Without You, I am only tattered delicate rice paper flying in the wind!

 

 

 

 

 

Sustaining Joy

Every day new worlds rise! And old worlds fall apart.

I am told this is only, a matter of perception.

What do you do when your world is taken all apart?

Is good attitude, a positive thought of deflection,

Able to override calamity? Or mend a tattered heart?

Is faith only energy? Form of magic imagination?

 

I believe that true faith hurts and bleeds very red.

Because when Lazarus died, “Jesus wept”.

Then He called him and raised him from the dead!

I know that in Jesus, my sad soul is kept.

Though my old world crashed down upon my head!

Jesus is here with me; my need is met.

 

Herein lies my joy! Whether I be happy, sad, even mad,

If I be abandoned, crushed, battered, or stoned,

Should persecution come, the enemy steal all I’ve had!

Jesus paid the ultimate for me; my sin is atoned.

Even though in this world I find little to make me glad,

He understands; in my heart never be dethroned!

There He rests, keeps me warm, when all’s gone so bad.

 

 

 

 

Be Amazed by Grace!

Immersed in a day-dream, dawdling…

Enjoying sunshine on my face…

Treating myself to a summer coddling;

Took for granted wind’s pace…

Not noticing the changed force blowing,

Or the storm beginning to race,

In my direction; fierce tornado growing!

A conflict I’m doomed to face!

My predilection to hide; silent groaning…

My fear with cowardice I lace!

Tremble! Lord, do you hear my moaning?

“Have you forgotten my Grace?”

“Courage, by My Spirit to you I’m loaning”

“My faithfulness, do you trace?”

Memories of interventions of past proving

His provision by saving Grace;

In the conflict, trouble, persecution shoving,

I will look in His beautiful face!

Spirit surge gives strength by divine loving!

Courage find in our Holy space!

Jesus, by faith into You daily, I am growing!

In You all I need to run the race!

Keep me sober, mindful of seed I’m sowing,

Trusting You to keep the pace,

Giving me protection despite my dawdling;

In trials be amazed by Grace!

Joy in a Sonoran Rain

There is nothing more lovely than a Sonoran winter rain. Pouring silver; large drops weighted by the ice of the winter world that surrounds The Valley of the Sun. The ice that melts into rain before it hits the warm desert floor, as snow buries the surrounding mountain rim. The dry soil welcomes the steady feeding of moisture in ground cooled enough to receive it and even store it safely, deep down below the surface. The peace of acceptance fills the atmosphere, as the rain washes the resting desert clean. There is a sense of sorrow, as all that stood and appeared strong in the previous season is washed away and all debris is broken down to become one with the soil. This short, quiet space in time, labeled as winter in the Sonora, is appropriated to building the foundation of the new season to come. This water that falls from the heavens is worth more than gold and everything that lives in the green desert depends upon it for life and by the wisdom intrinsic to its design, the Sonoran Desert submits to the washing, the rearranging that comes by the sheer force of water. The normal state of drought is fully satiated as the water overflows to fill the lakes and reservoirs that will be so needed when the rainy season ends. This strange season, so uncharacteristic of the desert’s usual appearance, is necessary or the fierce heat that tests all Sonoran life in summer would be devastating. This low lying climate would be left void, without the teeming life it sustains, and become nothing but hard packed ground. No one could enjoy this wonderful Valley of the Sun if it were not for these cloudy, gray, wet days.

Mourning is a season most struggle to avoid but mourning is the time when the foundation of the future is laid. When it comes, it is best to accept it and let go of all that is being beat down and rearranged. God loves a broken, contrite heart and God’s presence is all encompassing when a tired, broken heart opens to Him. When sorrow pours from skies cloudy with gloom and thoughts of past sunny days bring a deep sense of loss in their vanishing, this is joy: no matter how chaotic or abhorrent such a season may seem, God has His fingers laced tightly around all of it and those who belong to Him. When we are weak and there is nothing to hold onto amid the rushing flood, God holds us close and is working all the pain to our future good. The surety in life is that our purpose in Him will be fulfilled. In trusting God peace is found, even in the midst of a severe storm. In acceptance of God’s Will is the power to utilize mourning, as time spent alone with God, as He satiates grief and fills our deep reservoirs with Truth. He fills all sorrowful, dry basins that will become life sustaining lakes in the future, with the joy found in Jesus. Even if our bodies are part of the refuse to be broken down and washed away, for those hidden in Christ, it is but a natural part of the overall cycle of life, which we are part of. In Christ, all endings are beginnings for life is eternal. In Jesus, a melancholy rain is lovely. A time to rest securely in God’s presence and drink in the sustenance of His Spirit and wait as the great wheel turns, assuring the continued spinning of the other smaller wheels, He encircles.

By God’s Love the Sonora remains green. By His grace, the sorrowful season passes and the desert blooms in a fantastic, colorful display of continuing life. This is the assured hope of faith.